Where did we leave our manners?

My question to us all is this: where did we leave our manners when dealing with others, specifically when we are out shopping or eating out?

Since when did it become acceptable to shout and swear at staff when you're buying something?

Now, I have to confess here that I'm not the calmest person - and have been that shouty person in a shop more than once. So let me tell you what changed my view about this and made me more mindful of my conduct towards others, how they might feel and just generally how shopping could be a great opportunity to interact and leave with a good feeling, not one of anger or frustration. I also need to point out here, that stuff goes wrong (of course) so how do you address it when it does?

A young lady becomes an assistant in a well known high street fashion store (who will remain unnamed). Working between 30-40 hours per week on everything from the shop floor to the till, with the main focus to be helpful, find items for customers and above all - to serve. This job has progressed well but at the end of the working day, the stories are shared about the customers who need help. After a month, this becomes the 'arsehole of the day' and the 'angel of the day' help address what were often incidents that left this young lady feeling worthless, upset and feeling that this was just what she had to be prepared for, as she was only a shop assistant. Others around her laughed them off, shared tales of awful customers and advised her to chalk it up to 'experience'. Some experience!

Years ago, I worked in quite a few shops and was astounded by how people thought they had the right to just say, shout, swear at me however they liked - just because they were, according to the idea, always right.

So back to my young lady. It wasn't until things around Christmas (2016 I mean) various things happened that made me so angry I could hardly contain myself.

The first was a woman who left her child behind in the store, taking an older child but leaving the youngest and most vulnerable child behind and not even noticing. The store sent 3 people in various directions to find her, thinking she couldn't be far behind. The child in question was left with the young lady, who had to keep her entertained in a public place (noting that safeguarding this child meant she could not take her anywhere alone) until Mum decided to come back. Mum was found and reunited with her child. Her apology was to try and spend money in the store.

The second was a man who when trying to return items, got frustrated and started to shout when the young lady was doing a till transaction that was complex. He (as he said afterwards) was 'trying to get her attention'. He didn't feel she was 'listening hard enough' so he lent over the counter and flicked her hard on the forehead. He was removed from the store.

The third was a man who groped the young lady when she was bent over, re-stocking a shelf. Responding in utter shock (as most of us would), she looked up to find it could have been one of several men standing nearby so was unable to deal with the situation.

The fourth was a woman who came into store, again for refunds, only to find she didn't have the right paperwork and proceeded to shout and swear at the young lady, including calling her a f**king bitch, calling her husband on speaker phone so he could also shout at her, using the f word constantly. Another member of staff dealt with this one as the young lady used the store policy to refuse to serve abusive customers.

She has been called retarded, stupid, lazy, c**t, slag, f**king whore and a whole string of others - plus new swear combinations I'd never heard of!

The angel customers make up for those who choose - and they do choose - to lose their temper at store staff. The american dad who bought a belt for a surly teenage son, asking for help as his son had pants that were falling down. The young lady explained that pants in the UK meant underwear and they all had a laugh - a happy sale was made. The lady who came in for new jeans after just having had a baby; the young lady found her a perfect fit. The couple having a baby who needed every penny; the young lady helped them sign up for an app that helped them get a discount as they weren't aware. Those things are all customer service and most shops do this well.

For those who think it's ok to lose tempers at store staff, think first.

What is it going to achieve if you yell? What would happen, if you are that unhappy, if you were firm about what you believed was wrong rather than shouting? Be unhappy - and god knows there are times when you have the right to be unhappy but think of what outcome you want to achieve. Chances are, as we become more angry as a nation, that right to refuse service will become the norm rather than the rarity.

But let's think it about it for a second, in our day jobs... if someone yelled in your face that you were 'obviously retarded' or that you were 'a f**king bitch who should do as they are told' how would that make you feel? Empowered to help the person yelling at you? Or distressed, upset and disappointed that someone felt you had so little worth? A wise CEO once told me that when I yelled, I showed the other person that I thought they were worthless. Something I remind myself of when I've lost or I'm about to lose my temper.

I'm not claiming by saying this that just by being nice to each other, life will all be sunshine and roses. What I am saying, is that manners cost nothing. Saying please and thank you costs you nothing and maybe, you might get a smile and better experience out of it.

I think I should say here that the young lady is my daughter, who was 19 and working on her gap year to save money to help herself though university. I don't want her to carry on working where she is as I'm afraid something more serious will take place and I'm naturally protective over her. But she wants to carry on. She's changed in the last few months. Tougher and more resilient and while some of you may think 'great, so she's grown up!', how grown up would you want your child to be knowing that men think it's ok to grope her in the middle of a store, call her retarded and a whore or flick her on the forehead for not listening 'hard enough'?

Everyone has the right to work and not feel threatened or abused at work. So next time you're in a shop or a restaurant and you're cross, think before you yell.

Views are my own and incidents detailed are real. The store she works for has clear policies about how to deal with rude and abusive customers and a team that supports each other.

#retail #behaviour #shopping